Change for a Year

Take a year. Change your life.

On Becoming a Vegan, Hippie, Liberal Douche

It all started simply enough.  One day I woke up and decided I needed a new car.  By lunch time I cruised my fresh, new ride off the lot, zero on the odometer, windows down, lean full on.  Bass was thumping and the paint shimmered in the sun’s glare.  In short, I was a baller.

That was the day I bought my Prius.  I pictured flowers blooming and squirrels dancing in the wake of my exhaust just like those cheesy commercials.

Then, a few weeks later, I bought a bike rack.  Yeah, I was that guy.  Even if I was 300+ pounds, at least it looked like I exercised.

I suddenly found myself saying things like, Why can’t we all just love each other? and Everyone should just be themselves, man.  It was as if some strange hippie virus lying dormant since the early 80’s had infected me and was moving through my blood.

I started growing a beard.  I cancelled my cable.  I bought the DVD Planet Earth.  I voted for Obama.

When I became a vegan I swung full circle, joining ranks with those snooty people I used to mock.  I signed up for the local co-op.  When I go to their store, I carry the purple bag cloth bag like a badge of honor.

Oh, those bananas aren’t organic?  I guess that’s okay for you to eat, but, shaking purple bag in their face, not for me.  I shop at the co-op.

I bought their vegan cheese and organic flour and almond milk.

I stopped eating fast food, and I started blogging.

It’s only been a few months, but I think I’m on my way.  I’ve only got a few things left to complete on the checklist, and I will fully transform into the peace-loving, Prius-driving, smoothie-drinking, hippie, liberal douche I was meant to become:

  1. Try tofu
  2. Actually enjoy eating tofu
  3. Buy a tie-dye shirt with a peace sign or “Make love, not war”
  4. Stop showering regularly in the interest of conserving water
  5. Continue growing my beard until I can braid it
  6. March at a rally and/or picket someone for a cause
  7. Start listening to Enya
  8. Go around lying to everyone: “No really!  Kale smoothies are delicious!”
  9. Actually give a damn about bees moral rights in regards to eating honey
  10. Complete my goal of taking a hiatus for one year to be a vagabond and camp across the U.S. (i.e be homeless and live in the woods)

Any other suggestions?

26 Comments

  1. i would suggest learning how to play the banjo or bongo drums ( this is necessary for the drum circles at protest rallies. and why stop with the beard, grow out your hair oh and you should also compost.

  2. one of the funniest posts i read recently! great article!

  3. OH MY GOSH! This post was hilarious! LOVE IT! Thanks for finding my blog. I look forward to following yours! Are you making your own cleaning products and toiletries yet? LOL!

    • Ooops, I promise I’m not a spammer. My link leads back to my kids activity blog and I found you via my vegan blog. Sorry for the confusion!

    • Not yet, but here’s an actual Facebook post from one of my old friends from a month back: “I just bought toilet paper made from sugar cane stalks and bamboo… I can’t wait to wipe my ass!”

      Not sure if I’ll ever get to that point.

  4. Ha. Suggestion: preach to everyone about how whales and dolphins should be considered non-human persons. Then you will reach full liberal bleeding-heart status!

  5. Use vinegar for everything? (well almost) ie cleaning and hair conditioner rinse 🙂

    Dirt cheap too compared with env sound eco products.

  6. I grew up in Portland, Oregon, the epicenter (well, besides Seattle) for all things granola and hippie. In order to complete the list, you must add ‘Visit Portland’s Saturday Market’ and then make the pilgrimage. Oh, and don’t forget to stop at Rimsky-Korsakoffee House while you’re there. Then you’re journey will be complete.

  7. I don’t see anything about meditating or mindfulness on your list. Seriously, as a real hippie (from the 60s until today :), if you want to experience the entirety of hippiedom, the mind / body stuff would need to be on your list. Actually it does help with life-change efforts. So, even if the hippie-issues weren’t pending, it might be of interest. Best wishes!

    • I’ve been meaning to mediate. I’ve always thought it’d be good for me but I keep blowing it off. Another goal for 2013!

      • It’s good that there are always good new things to incorporate our lives, yes? It looks to me like you have a very FULL plate now with lots of good stuff you’re doing!! But somehow I’m getting the feeling that you are really doing well and will continue to do well as you cruise along your path!!! I’m also going to guess that when the time is right for you to begin meditating, you’ll know! I’m sending you lots of love and good energy! 🙂

    • more like mindlessness…

      it might just be me, but it seems the more “mindful” the person claims to be, the less “intellectual” they are.

  8. I love reading the FP and finding new people to follow. You have a new fan. Love your writing.

  9. This post and your blog really made me smile…I’m like your doppelgänger in reverse. Went to hippy college, was vegetarian for years, did cross-country road trips with my dog, hugged trees, kept away from fried food, etc.etc. Now I live in Wisconsin, and eat fried cheese curds, drink old-fashioneds, and am back on meat, bratwursts and all. Haven’t taken up hunting or voting republican yet, though! Anyway, good luck with your year of change. Cool idea. (FYI, some hippies hug trees, and admire mushrooms and mossy things…some wear Birkentsocks all year round, with wool socks in the winter).

  10. Maybe this will help you with your ‘enjoy tofu’ item:

    http://allrecipes.com/recipe/vegan-cheesecake/detail.aspx

    I used unsweetened vanilla almond milk instead of soy milk, truvia instead of sugar, and a pecan crust (crushed pecans, truvia, cinnamon, smart balance) instead of a graham cracker crust. Doesn’t taste like cheesecake, but more like a custard pie and is delicious and EASY to make.

    • Thanks! Maybe I will try this Monday. I actually did eat tofu for the first time today in a Chinese dish I made. It was okay, but as I was eating it I was thinking next time I’d just use the veggies instead of trying to replicate the chicken as that was what I enjoyed the most.

      My non-vegan dad is loves cheesecake so I’ll use him as my guinea pig.

  11. Awesome dude! I’m so glad that you went vegan.

    Animals. Love. The circle of life. Spirituality. Sometimes I close my eyes and weep at the wonder of the world.

  12. “Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” -James Baldwin

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