Change for a Year

Take a year. Change your life.

The Fat-Man-in-a-Tight-Pink-V-Neck-T-Shirt Challenge

A recent conversation between my brother and me, edited only for copious amounts of foul language:

“You know the problem with losing weight?”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“It’s so damn easy to do, I keep putting it off.”

“Easy?”

“I lost 20 pounds just by not drinking pop.”

“Yeah, I guess I dropped like 50 pounds just by running every day. But then you started drinking pop again,” I said.

“And you stopped running,” he said.

“And now we’re just a couple of fat fucks sitting around talking about how easy it is to lose weight.”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said.

“What we need is some motivation. Like a bet.”

“Maybe a dollar a pound. I could use some money.”

“Hell, how about 10 bucks a pound? Lets make it interesting at least.”

“Naw, I’d feel bad taking you’re money. What if you couldn’t afford eat that month? Plus, being so fat you’d probably be really hungry.”

“Yeah, I’d hate for you to not be able to feed your kids. How about you clean my apartment for six months.”

“You are a filthy bastard. That’d be good for you. Too bad I’m going to kick your ass?”

“So then I’ll clean your house.”

“I’ve seen where you live. It’s awful. I won’t let you touch my house.”

“What we really need is some humiliation,” I said.

“Nothing motivates like being humiliated,” he said.

“You know how my motorcycle is way faster than yours?” I said.

“Bullshit,” he said.

“How about when I win, you have to wear a pink t-shirt that says, “My brother’s bike is faster than mine.”

“And then when I win, you have to wear it out in public somewhere, like Great America.”

“Yeah,” I said.

“That’d be great,” he said.

“I’m so going to kick your ass. There’s no way you can get below 200. Hell, I’m so confident I’ll give you 2-1 odds. I’ll drop 80 pounds and get below 250 before you ever drop 40 pounds and get below 200.”

“I can get below 200. Too easy.”

“Easy as pie you fat fuck. When’s the last time you were below 200?”

“When’s the last time you were below 250?”

“Either way, I’ll smoke you. I can drop four pounds taking a dump.”

“Just get yourself mentally prepared for a bright pink shirt,” I said.

“Doubt it,” he said.

“I’ll get a medium so it’s extra tight. We’ll have to get three people to pull it over you like sausage casing.”

“Make it a v-neck so your chest hair is all sticking out.”

“That’ll be sexy,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said.

*****

And that is how the Fat-Man-in-a-Tight-Pink-V-Neck-T-Shirt Challenge began.

6 Comments

  1. Awesome! Very funny conversation, it made my day. Though I noticed no-one mentioned “skinny jeans” as part of the bet…

  2. Your conversation reminds me of Mark Twain’s comment – “It’s easy to quit smoking. I’ve done it thousands of times.”

Comments are closed.

© 2017 Change for a Year

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑