6:00 a.m. Huh? Wait . . . what’s that noise!? Damn, it’s already six?
6:02 a.m. Why did you tell everyone you were going to start running?
6:08 a.m. C’mon, get your ass up!
6:17 a.m. Five more minutes.
6:26 a.m. Fuck it, lets stay fat.
6:27 a.m. Get your shit together man! Lets get moving.
6:35 a.m. Damn, brand new running shoes feel so good. Look at that bounce in my step.
6:36 a.m. I should drink something first, get my system going.
6:37 a.m. Maybe a banana, too.
6:39 a.m. Lets just rest a moment.
6:45 a.m. Get out the door already!
6:47 a.m. Gotta stretch first.
6:51 a.m. Ooh, take it easy champ. Almost pulled a hammy.
6:52 a.m. Shit, forget the iPod. Just run back inside quick.
6:54 a.m. I’m going to crush this shit. I’ll be running marathons in a month. Just gotta push myself.
6:55 a.m. Wait, I gotta pee first.
6:57 a.m. Man I’m tired.
6:58 a.m. Hey, the sun’s coming up.
6:59 a.m. Maybe I should just call it a day. I tried at least.
7:02 a.m. I hope that cute girl next door doesn’t see my fat ass running.
7:03 a.m. Or maybe she’ll see me and think, wow at that lovely gent trying to improve his life.
7:04 a.m. I’ll be a sexy beast if I keep this running thing up.
7:05 a.m. Damn, where do I put my house keys? Guess I’ll just jingle while I run.
7:06 a.m. Okay, lets walk the first block, get warmed up.
7:08 a.m. Hey, this isn’t so bad. Crisp fresh air. The world is quiet. I could get into doing this every day.
7:10 a.m. Damn, the iPod just died.
7:10 a.m. Fuck it, lets go home.
7:10 a.m. You pussy, just run.
7:12 a.m. Wow, running ain’t so bad. These shoes are so nice!
7:13 a.m. Damn, I breath SO loud. Like a fat hippopotamus.
7:14 a.m. Whew, only half a block and I’m getting tired.
7:15 a.m. Lets get to that tree at least.
7:15 a.m. Or how about that driveway. Yeah, that’ll be good.
7:15 a.m. Should be like 20 more seconds.
7:15 a.m. 20. 19. 18. 17 . . .
7:16 a.m. My lungs are going to explode.
7:16 a.m. Man, better slow it down. Can’t . . . hardly . . .
7:16 a.m. Ah! Side cramp!
7:16 a.m. Close enough.
7:18 a.m. Time to go home.
7:19 a.m. Five minutes of running. That should equal a giant stack of vegan pancakes and big glass of chocolate almond milk, right?